Halcyon
by Jacksgirl217
Summary: "It wasn't peace, but it was something close." An angsty Cloud/Leon with a bit of Yaoi thrown in for good measure. Beta'd and all!


**A/N: **This is beta'd by the lovely sneakyreverent who is so in tune with me that we pretty much came up with the final edit of this at the same time. Spooky no? Much love to her for taking the time to read this through and being generally awesome, if you wanna do her a massive, head on over to her page and read some of her stuff! I insist!

This is an angsty little piece that has been knocking round my brain for a while but I've been far too busy to get it out. I've got a major jones for Cloud/Leon at the moment and this is another one I'm afraid. I'm not actually sorry, cos these two are flippin awesome and I love them!

The song lyrics are by Ellie Goulding and are not mine.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never where. All characters and settings belong to Square Enix and Disney, who I believe have just bought the rights to Star Wars… Oh dear!

Happy reading and much love.

**Halcyon**

". . . What a hell of witchcraft lies

In the small orb of one particular tear . . ."

_** A Lover's Complaint, **_William Shakespeare.

Cloud knew that this shouldn't be happening, and Leon couldn't believe that it was. Cloud tried very hard to forget what it was that brought him to this small bedroom and Leon had to try and remember.

What was it?

Something that Cloud had needed?

Leon's mind went blank once again as Cloud's mouth left his and started a heated trail of kisses down his jaw and neck. Coupled with the fisted hand in his trousers, Leon had trouble remembering why he should care about remembering.

He had given up protestation and question. Did it even really matter? Cloud was here, doing… this to him. It was something that he had wanted for a very long time.

Since he had crash landed into his life, Leon had thought of nothing but the blond. He had thought of him in every way it was possible to think of a man.

Without even realising that he had closed his eyes he felt the disorientating effect of being spun around quickly and pushed up against the tall dresser. He felt the thrill of his trousers being pulled down by urgent, incessant hands, and he felt the sting of his hair being pulled, the angle of his head just right to better Cloud's leveraged.

His heart gave a little flutter when he heard Cloud spit in to his own hand and his curved throat gave a small swallow at the anticipation. He hadn't fantasised about their first time being like this, but he had been fantasising for so long that he would have gladly accepted anything. He was finally going to get what he wanted, romance be dammed.

"Ready?" He heard Cloud ask, his voice like granite.

Leon shivered, nodding as well as he could with Cloud fisting his hair so tightly, but Cloud got the message and wasted no time forcing his way into Leon.

With small strong thrusts, Cloud managed to seat himself fully, letting go of Leon's hair and turning his biting grip to Leon's hips and slightly quivering thighs.

Leon let his head fall forward, needing the solid dresser before him to sure up his weight. He couldn't think through the burning pain but he was certain that he couldn't support himself and that if Cloud were to let go of him, or if the dresser where to suddenly disappear then he was assured to fall.

Was it supposed to feel like this? He didn't care, this was all he wanted. Cloud was all he had ever wanted.

Those few seconds was all it took for Cloud to centre himself and begin to thrust. Slow and steady he eased himself. He worked his hands over Leon's lower back, easing the tightly bunched muscle he found there and gently coaxing Leon to relax.

Leon became surer of himself when Cloud reached round and grabbed his neglected cock.

This was better, this was much better.

Leon let out little gasps of pleasure and relief as his desire began to climb once more, and the sting of being penetrated began to recede.

Leon couldn't believe this was happening, as Cloud's heart began to break.

The blond told himself again and again with every thrust that this was what needed to happen. This was the only way.

Happiness was not something that he could so richly afford and he would be cursed to an eternity of hell if he bargained Leon for even a moment of love. He wouldn't do that. He had already seen too many people suffer because of him, because of what haunted him. His heart ached in a way he didn't know it could as his body felt the glorious pleasure that Leon gave him, and his head knew the truth of how this would end.

He couldn't have him. He'd never be able to truly have him.

After a few more thrusts, Cloud's resolution grew. He had come here for a reason, he had to end this. He lent forward and bit into the creamy flesh of Leon's shoulder, pulling harder on the older man's dick to try and hurry him along.

"Hng… nearly there." He grunted, angling his thrusts slightly to hit Leon's sweet spot.

He heard the Gunblader cry out and felt him tighten up around him.

A few more of those and Leon wouldn't be able to hold on to anything.

"Don't stop." He heard him say.

Cloud had come too far to stop, but after this there would be no more Leon and Cloud felt his heart break anew at the thought.

The pleasured cry that Leon made when he came was so erotic and pure that it threw Cloud over into his own orgasm, coming so hard that he bruised the brunette's hips with his crushing grip, its perfection only marred by the fleeting thought that in seconds, this would be over and Cloud would never touch Leon again.

When it was over, he wanted to let it linger; ride out the aftershock and spasms of pleasure and luxuriate in the feeling of completion. But he knew that he couldn't and in that moment he hated the world.

He pulled out, pushed himself away from his beautiful lover and turned his back. He had to get dressed quickly and get out of there. If he stayed a moment longer, he would be dammed and so would Leon.

_Sephiroth…_

He couldn't let himself fall. He couldn't let Leon fall.

Fixing his trousers he hurriedly turned to leave, not counting on catching the shaking, quivering mess of Leon out of the corner of his eye.

"Where are you going?" He heard the man say.

It stopped him in his tracks.

_Away, far away __from you, so I'll never hurt you like this again. _

"I'm leaving." Cloud said; his voice steady as a rock and he had no idea how. _It's the right thing to do_, he told himself. Then why did it feel like his world was ending?... again.

Cloud was far too chicken shit to look Leon in the eye, but he caught sight of his stoically betrayed face in the mirror above the dresser. It was flushed with rapidly cooling desire and encroaching shame, and Cloud felt so guilty about doing that to him.

"Leaving?" Leon sounded confused, but the look on his face told Cloud that his meaning was slowly dawning on him.

Leon had never been used before, at least, not like this.

Fiery heated shame that burnt low and cool on his skin seeped over him. This was humiliation. This was pain!

Leon had fixed his own nakedness but couldn't find the strength to let go of the dresser quite yet. He didn't like the way his hands trembled or the way his legs felt like they would disintegrate. How could mind blowing pleasure turn so quickly to gut wrenching torture? It blindsided him so effectively it was like having all of his energy sapped at once.

Leon hated being weak.

"So this was just..." Leon began, but quickly shut himself up. He would never show weakness in front of anyone ever again. He'd never let anyone in after this.

"I hope It was good." He cut, his voice icy and low and dangerous.

Never again.

Cloud got the message. He had done his job well.

Having Leon was not the problem, Cloud knew. But making Leon hate him enough to keep him safe, was the hardest thing that Cloud had ever had to do, and that included watching his best friend die, and killing Sephiroth…twice.

"I won't be back for a while."

_Tell the girls._

Leon just nodded, turning his shamed face away before Cloud could see the tears.

Cloud was a broken man in that moment, but he walked away with the knowledge that Leon would be safe. Cloud's demons would never hurt Leon as long as this was between them. It wasn't peace, but it was something close, that settled over his shattered heart as he walked away from the only person he loved enough to give up.

"_I know you're a fighter _

_But you never fought for me _

_When I was shelter _

_And when you're not heading home to me _

_We could be closer. _

_When it's just us, you show me what it feels like to be lonely _

_You show me what it feels like to be lost _

_I take your hand for you to let it go _

_Let it go." _

_** Ellie Goulding - Halycon**_


End file.
